A Girl and Her Books

 

Today’s Teen “Why?”

 

When the whole family was called to sit for dinner, this child arrived first. Tired of waiting for everyone else, he opted to lay down. But why the narrow half-wall??

Brought to you by the founder of the “Why??” Series: Perry Jones

Not 99 Red luftballons…

… just 30+ hot air balloons!

It’s pretty common in the nice weather months to see a hot air balloon or two in our area. But today was extraordinary!

On the way to church, we saw more hot air balloons in the sky than we’ve ever seen at once! The kids counted 31 hot air balloons scattered in the distance. They were directly overhead as we drove closer to church. It was a very cool sight!

 

Plentiful Tomato Harvest!

 181 tomatoes, 4 eggplants, 1 beautifully colored green to red pepper! In defense of the pepper… the tomatoes went crazy and stole the sun from the peppers. 

Jo and Perry helped dad & I pick them from the garden this morning. Perry helped wash and wanted to count them. It’s so nice to have a garden. Josie described the feeling of growing your own food as “being like Sam Gribley from ‘My side of the Mountain’, livin off the land!”

Labor Day 2026

 Woke up for a morning family bike ride. The kids were more enthusiastic the night before; less so when it was actually time to wake up. 

Rode to Big Apple Bagels for a morning treat. Josie’s new seminary classmate, Emery, invited the whole freshman seminary to meet up and he’d pay for their dollar muffins. I’d heard good things about Emery and I’m glad Josie has opportunities to make new good friends. 

After lunch we drove up to Bunker Hill Indiana. “Where’s that?”, you might ask… before today I could not have told you. Even life long Hoosiers don’t know where it is! Race and Carissa moved their little family there, so we helped them move in. (… more description to come)

We got home early evening and we were tired. But not too tired for a spontaneous 1on 1 for daddio and me. It was really fun! I still love basketball… and I’m still pretty good. Held my own against dad! He only stuffed me once haha! 

I don't know how to title this post

I've had a hard time finding the motivation to record our stories on this blog for a few years. So much has been going on under the surface for our family. Many hard things that i'd rather forget and not think about ever again. It's been a private matter regarding our son's story. So we haven't shared it except with a small handful of close loved ones. It's heavy and hard to understand. There's a stigma associated with fear when one hears it said aloud. So, i've hesitated to share it, let alone record it for posterity. But it is important to know and to understand. Most importantly, I need to share the miracles and blessings God has shown us and truths He has taught us through it all. I need to record the complete awe & gratitude we feel for our Heavenly Father & our Savior Jesus Christ. So, I ask that those who read this, please don't give up or turn from our son. Please still be there for him, love him, and be an example for him. Please have compassion on him and those like him, as you read this. 

For about 4 years, our family has faced great difficulty. Kaden's behavior and mental health took a sharp, and seemingly sudden, turn when he was 15. We had him seeing an ADHD specialist to help him. But even his therapist recognized that there was more going on that was beyond ADHD. During extreme behavioral challenges, I had taken him to crisis centers here in Indy. When he graduated high school, we got him set up early in Provo to help him adjust to BYU life. But he wasn't doing well and not attending classes. I flew out to Utah in March, for what we believed was a crisis intervention. Papa came with me to take him to a crisis center, recommended by Bishop Strong (his amazing BYU ward Bishop! He was so involved and inspired). Eventually in April, Kaden withdrew from classes and we brought him home to enter a residential mental health recovery facility. The clinic he was recommended to was Evolve Indy. God's hand absolutely guided us there! Those clinicians are angels! Madelyn, Courtnie, Laci, Jake... miracle workers!! They're so good at what they do; they truly love and care about their clients. They were exactly who we all needed and I thank Heavenly Father often for connecting us with them. 

After a month of being in the facility, they called to tell us the diagnosis. Unfortunately, it was the same day we learned that Grandma Lee was in the hospital and not going to make it. That was a horrible, horrible day.

Kaden was diagnosed with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder… meaning he’s on the sociopathy spectrum.) I misunderstood it at first when Courtnie (his main therapist) told me. She let me know that 3 clinicians came to the same conclusion and they didn't land on this lightly. They even sought outside professional opinions. She was so gentle and somber i didn't understand why she kept asking if i was ok and what questions i had and repeated that she is here for us. What I heard was "anti-social" as in "asocial: preferring to avoid social situations”. My inner thought: "Oh ok he doesn't like being around people, what a relief!" 

Then... i googled it. 

The shock was terrifying and shook my core. The word "sociopath" was all i could focus on. I read all the indicators of the diagnosis:
Deceit/Manipulation, impulsivity, Aggression and Irritability, Reckless Disregard for Safety, Consistent Irresponsibility, Lack of Remorse, Disregard for Rules and Laws.

Courtnie told me Kaden meets 6/7 indicators. The only one missing is disregard for laws, because he has no criminal behavior or substance abuse. It explains everything and we know it’s accurate. But coping has been a roller coaster: family therapy sessions, individual therapy sessions, researching, accepting, navigating… it’s all been so up and down emotionally and mentally. For the last 3-4 years we’ve been trying to understand what was happening with him. So although the answer rattled my soul, it also brings peace to both me & Spence. Peace because we know it’s true, and peace because we finally understand what has been happening to him. But it also brings deep mourning and more worry/concern than ever before. Our smart, fun, happy, gentle boy is gone. And the grief has been all consuming.

 

Kaden had repeatedly accused me of abuse but gave no specific incidents. Just that he feels i was abusive, to which he had even me convinced I was. For him to believe it so strongly, i must have been abusive. Courtnie called me to check in and I confessed every thing i was ashamed or guilty of in raising him. Sobbing i stated, "It's my fault he has this!" She said, "Mrs. Jones, it's literally my job to tell you if you were abusive, and i can confidently state that you were not. You were a parent with normal frustrations being pushed to her limits. I have seen and heard real abuse. That is not it." One social worker put it into perspective saying, "I can not imagine how hard it must have been to raise a child with ASPD." After one of our last family sessions, I had a moment alone with Courtnie. She told me, "Kaden talks often about what a wonderful childhood he had. The clinicians and I talk about you and your husband and how wonderful you are, how obvious it is that you deeply love each other and your son, and what a great job you did raising him. Kaden is a good person. He isn't like other people with ASPD. He likes to serve and help... he has goals to do good and be a good person. That is all attributed to your family values and his religious beliefs. In fact i've decided to specialize in sociopathy because Kaden is proof that this diagnosis can be helped. There is currently not enough help or intervention for ASPD and that needs to change." 

In that moment i felt deeply comforted. Then i had the thought, "Maybe this is why it had to be our son. Maybe this was God's plan." 

Despite the 30+ days of inpatient therapy and the 8 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy... Kaden still refuses to accept his diagnosis. Though the hardest blow came a couple weeks ago when Kaden cut us out of his life. During one of the last family sessions at Evolve, he stated he didn't want me involved in his life. By that point i was more than accustomed to my being his punching bag. He blames me for all that's gone wrong, so it wasn't a surprise. But what was surprising... that he now was cutting out his dad too, saying this was a permanent sever. What's worse, is he now ghosts his siblings. Its been hard and painful for all of us, but it hurts me the most to see Perry, Josie, & Charlie so confused and hurt. 

In my grief I questioned God, for the first time in my life that i can recall. One night Spencer sat by me on our closet floor after the kids had gone to bed. I kneeled down weeping into a t-shirt and screaming in rage that i was so angry. Lamenting, yelling, sobbing in prayer, I said “I fought hard to be a cycle breaker! I raised my family to follow You! The spirit guided me in my parenting and i listened. I did it right and when I messed up I apologized and repented and tried again! Why did You let my son have a disorder that threw us in a fight we weren’t going to win!? I know You love me and I do love You, but i am soo angry at You!"

I desperately prayed for understanding that night and for nights to come. I prayed for a glimpse of the purpose for this part of the plan. I even prayed for a miracle to heal his mind and relieve Kaden of this. But none of that has come. 

For a couple weeks, I was still angry and heavy hearted. I know it wasn't really anger I felt, but fear for my son and his future. Even in my deep despair, I know God didn’t leave me. Every time I open the scriptures, He speaks comfort and calm asking me to trust Him. I have always trusted Him and it’s always worked out better than i could imagine. So I continue to trust Him. People randomly send me talks and quotes. The Come Follow Me curriculum has been spot on what my family has needed in the moment we need it. It is not coincidence; it is God’s loving presence. Even in my raging anger in my closet that night, I could still feel my Heavenly Father’s love for me. And especially His love for Kaden. 

While I am still grieving and have a deep pain in my heart, God is pouring peace into me. I feel peace and confidence that God IS taking care of my son/family. The more I work to lean on Him and let Him take it, the lighter I feel. 

I am even able to feel cheerful and patient while the Lord works it all out. 

I know Kaden will come back around to wanting contact again at some point. That could be tomorrow or ten years from now. He knows we're here and he knows we love him. That is one thing he has never denied. He even said he knows we love him and that we did a great job raising him. For whatever reason we don't comprehend, he has to go it on his own, against the norm. In the meantime and all the time, we have entrusted God to take care of Kaden. We have even prayed and asked that Grandma Marsha & Grandma Lee be his guardians guiding him and protecting him. And that comforts me more than i can express!

Truths I've learned through this: 

From a talk a friend sent me by Jeffrey S. Bednar (providentially) titled: 

"To Those Enduring Trials with No End"

It is recorded that Jesus was made perfect through suffering. If He was made perfect through suffering, why should we imagine, for one moment, that we can be prepared to enter into the kingdom of rest with Him and the Father, without passing through similar ordeals?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland likewise taught that “salvation is not a cheap experience,” that “salvation never was easy”—requiring that we “spend at least a few moments [symbolically] in Gethsemane” and “take at least a step or two [symbolically] toward the summit of Calvary.” As a result, trials and suffering are a central part of mortality that fill us with charity and help us become like the Savior.

Framed in this way, enduring to the end requires that we allow suffering, disappointment, uncertainty, and heartbreak to shape us into disciples who think and love as Jesus Christ thinks and loves. And thankfully our Savior is not merely the destination of that journey of enduring to the end. He is an active participant in helping us through all our mortal storms!"

My whole life i'd heard my father was a sociopath. But i thought that meant he was mean & cruel. I understood as i got older that it was a psychological issue. Blake wasn't a good person. I have struggled to separate what my father did to my mother and us, with who Kaden is going to become. The hardest part of this diagnosis: there is no medicine for it and there is very little research or resources. Mostly because its hard to get an ASPD person to believe that they need help to get a diagnosis. So most of the cases don't get diagnosed until they're in jail! At that point, the powers that be figure, "well they're where they belong, so problem solved." But not all sociopaths are criminals. They're not all doomed to become criminals either. It is possible to teach them and help them learn to comply with human expectation and behavior.

Please learn more about ASPD. Because it's more common than you think! Statistically speaking, 5% of the population is on the sociopathy spectrum. That's more than autism... and we all have more than one autistic loved one in our lives. So that means we all have more than one sociopath in our lives, they just aren't diagnosed. 

These undiagnosed ASPD persons are not in jail and probably won't end up jail. They're likely your surgeon, your military leader neighbor, that successful salesman you play basketball with, or the policeman on the news who was impressively calm in the chaos.  Their lack of empathy or fear, but drive to be successful to benefit their lives, actually leads them to be very good in needed fields. These are examples from the internet:

Entrepreneurship and Business: Starting, scaling, and selling companies can fit well due to a high tolerance for risk and detachment during negotiations.
Trades and Independent Work: Jobs with minimal supervision—such as specialized contracting, technical work, or independent night-shift operations—reduce interpersonal friction.
High-Stakes or Emergency Roles: Fields like emergency medicine, police force, tactical military roles, or high-pressure corporate restructuring can channel intensity and suppress panic during crises.
Performance and Media: Acting or entertainment allows individuals to adopt scripted personas and use external charm without needing genuine vulnerability.

I include all of this to say: we don't need to be afraid of Kaden or people with ASPD. We need to understand him and people like him to know what we can and can't expect from them. We do need to be cautiously aware of their impulses, especially the reckless ones. But like with any other neurodivergent or different from us human being... please don't shun or run. Please learn and love.

Morning reminder: The Book of Mormon is true!

 Morning reminder: 

The Book of Mormon is true! It is my favorite book. Sincerely.

Every time I read the scriptures lately, I hear and recognize God is speaking directly to me through ancient prophets. 

From my morning's study today...

“Mosiah 24:13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage [suffering].

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon [Nancy] and [her family] were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”

Beautiful Life

 

Tonight dad wanted to go boating. Charlie and Perry had homework, and very responsibly opted to stay home and finish their work. Just Josie came with dad and I. I didn’t feel like getting wet, so i just did the driving so dad and Josie could enjoy surfing as long as they wanted. 

It was a beautiful night, beautiful weather, and simply rejuvenating. While dad was cruising around to empty the ballasts, I sat up front in my favorite seat. I love feeling the wind on me and seeing the whole lake before me. But especially as the sun goes down. I took this picture and sent it to Spencer with a note that said: “Thank you for this dreamy life. I never take you for granted, my love.”

And in my prayers tonight, I’ll also send up a note to say “Thank You for this beautiful life. I never take You for granted, my loving Father.”

I know sometimes I’m not as quick to recognize His hand. I’m sorry to admit that, recently, after a particularly hard day in this very difficult year we’ve had, I was mad at Him. Not because I blame Him, but because He wasn’t telling me why this trial was necessary. I pleaded to know because I can’t make sense of it like I have other trials. But His answer keeps coming to me the same as it always does, “Be still and know that I am God.” Even this morning I opened the Bible and it fell to this scripture. With my own handwriting —written I don’t know when— reminding me exactly what I need to hold on to.

“Be still. Be patient; wait on the Lord. Trust Him & His timing.”

So my advice to you my dear ones: Trust Him. He knows you and He loves you.

 

Why? Of the Day: Perry the Platypus on the driveway

 

Perry (our son) has been working doing his power washing business again this summer. Today he did his last client, because school starts tomorrow.

Perry (the platypus) is still his mascot. Perry (our son) is good at drawing Perry (the platypus) and we find doodles of Perry (the platypus) around the house. But the latest: a large scale Perry (the platypus) doodle on our driveway power washed by Perry (our son)! Why? 

The only way to get it off is to finish power washing the driveway. Well…Looks like we’re getting a free power wash from Perry (our son) this week.

Update: 20days later and Perry (our son) has yet to power wash the driveway. Thus Perry (the platypus) in a picture of perfection, persistently poses patiently while Perry (our son) postpones the power washing to prioritize prepping for school. Perry (our son’s) procrastination is palpable.

Making Room to Grow

 Josie needed to purge some old stuff, like decor she’s outgrown now that she’s in high school. But she wants to remember the things that she had and why they were special to her. This post is dedicated to her jr high self…

Kings Island

Hermana BulldogG and familia

 

We occupy this world with billions of other people. Millions of them attend the same church and believe in the same God that I do. A few thousand of those serve in the same mission i did. A few hundred served the same time i did. 11 were my companions. But only 1 is the incredible Kimberley Bullock "BulldogG" Hawryluk! 24 years later, and i still have her as a constant blessing in my life!

The Hawryluks were on a church history tour, starting in New York and working west. They stayed for a few days with us to relax from road trip food, hotels, and the van. Then they headed out to Nauvoo and beyond.

 Few people get me like Kim does. Even less people could enter my house for the first time like they're home and step in along side me knowing instinctively what to do. As if we were companions again. Only we're moms and have the added "mom-intuition". I loved every second of it! I can't overstate how wonderful it was to have Kim and her family here. It was a joy to "live" together again and felt so easy. Getting to know Andrew was wonderful! He truly is a good man and I'm so grateful Kim has him.

Their kids are all so good and cute! Josie & Kate got along so well! They were like young Nance & Kim! It warmed my heart. 

Gracias por visitarnos, Familia Hawryluk! Come again anytime! We love you!

2nd Root Beer Mile Challenge

Parker & Perry Jones 2026 Boomerang Visit

 

Add Indiana dunes, triple x diner day

Tubing day, bleach tips day

Bucket dump day

Utah camping photos, orbi gun battle

Josie’s new smile!!

 

The Daily “Why?”

 I gave Perry my credit card to run into Kroger. I reminded him to keep it secure and not lose it. Later when I came down stairs and headed back to the laundry room, Perry just said “Look to your left…”

He taped my credit card to the wall. Why?

“You said keep it safe and don’t lose it.”

Well, ok then.

Alaska & Canada

Dad took us on an Alaskan cruise with Norwegian Cruise Line. It was incredible!

Juneau was a shockingly sad small town, but I enjoyed the hike there as well. 

We rented a car in Skagway and road tripped through the Yukon in Canada. We got out and explored several times. It was perfect. This was my favorite day of the cruise.

Glacier Bay was stunning! 

The word I'd use best to describe the views on this trip is majestic! So much of alaskan territory is just immaculate! It felt like we were viewing sacred land that has been unmarked by human kind. 

Happy 4th of July USA... from Victoria Canada?!

 Our country had its 250th birthday! The cruise dining rooms were decorated in all things USA. It was cool! Dad & I watched a World Cup game on the jumbo screen at the pool deck. The sun felt nice. There was live music on deck and the cruise cameras were capturing passengers dancing. A couple of times the camera landed on us, and dad would grab my face and kiss me! :)

We spent the evening going ashore in Victoria Canada. Felt a little wrong being out of the country for such a big day. But it was beautiful and we were amazed by how clean and well kept the city is. We especially liked the cute floating homes on the wharf. 

Ketchikan, Alaska

 This was a cool drizzling day. Ketchikan is known for its cloudy year round rainy days. They rarely get below freezing here, which surprised us to learn. We took a tour trolley to see the sites. We saw a sunken ship, several bald eagles, and visited Saxman Village; a native village of the Raven & Eagle clans. All are welcome to live there. They're a friendly and welcoming community. It was cool to see street signs in their native language. We even got to see the famous Nathan Jackson at work on a new totem pole. He used a chainsaw and both Dad & Perry said, "Where's his protective eye wear??" I guess when you're almost 90 yrs old, you probably don't care.

From the internet: Nathan Jackson (of the Tlingit Raven clan: Yéil Yádi) is the most famous and celebrated totem carver in Ketchikan and an NEA National Heritage Fellow. He was born in 1938 and has been actively working in Alaska Native arts since 1959. His work is world-renowned, and he even has pieces featured inside the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian in Washington, D.C.

Something else of interest, totems only last a decade or so before they deteriorate. When totems need to be retired, they carefully lay them to rest on the ground and let the earth reclaim them naturally. I thought that was cool. I enjoyed learning about the native cultures in all the Alaskan stops we made. I felt a solemn respect for how well they keep their traditions alive. 

The trolley ride was missing a glass panel on the side where we sat, so we were wet and cold. The blankets they offered helped, but dad & Jo couldn't take it and moved to the other side. Odd that a trolley tour in a location known for constant rain, would have open air transportation. 

We stopped at a salmon hatchery site, where bears are often sited this time of year. But we did not get to see any bears. Just lots of incredible eagles. We did buy some freshly smoked salmon and a locally made root beer at a shack before we boarded the trolley to go back. That was a tasty snack and a new root beer brand to add to dad's list. While waiting back at the shuttle pickup to go back to the ship, dad ran over and bought the local favorite "Jellyfish Donuts". The 4 of them agreed, they were delicious. A freshly made warm donut on a cool day really hit the spot. 

Glacier Bay National Park

I don't think there is a more unique national park than Glacier Bay Alaska! You can only get there by boat or sea plane. The park rangers boarded our ship by no easy task: their ranger boat captain is a pro at matching the speed of the cruise liner, pulling up along side the ship and keeping a steady speed while the rangers climb a rope ladder, carrying bags of souvenirs and teaching supplies! They had a "floating visitor center" at a table in the observation lounge. It was so cool! For all that work, of course we had to buy some souvenir patches & stickers! We were beyond in awe. I only wish we'd known when they were boarding and could have witnessed them boarding like champs!

On the way to the glacier we say families of otters and sea lions. They were swimming in the turquoise ocean water and lounging on "bergies" (small icebergs). At first we went to the bow of the ship, but it was really crowded. So we went and found a deck on a lower level to experience it with just us. The glacier itself was magnificent! It moves 2-3 feet per day, falling into the sea as it reaches the shore. The glacier begins a mile behind the shore front. I'm so glad I packed binoculars! Dad & I both had separate moments of viewing the glaciers and huge chunks of it broke off and crashed into the ocean!! It was amazing! 

After the glacier was far out of site, we went and played games at the Galaxy Pavilion. Dad did the soccer goal challenge and made a few goals against a mechanically moving "goalie". He was awesome! :) Josie & Charlie did virtual games: Charlie a race car and Josie a zombie/creature shooter game. After dinner we went to a comedy show with Jared Kassebaum. In his intro, he mentioned he's from Indiana then asked if anyone in the crowd is from Indiana. Of course we all hollered from the back row of the smallish club. As he asked what part, we were all shocked to learn his parents live down the street! Jared says he lives in LA now but goes to Geist Coffee around the corner all the time when he's visiting home! A lady snuck over to me right after and said, "We're from Fishers too! We live on Cumberland!" ha! SMALL WORLD!!

Before going to bed I went to try to watch the sunset. But the sun stays up for so long in the summer here. I was too tired every night to stay up for it. Although the photo I took tonight was worth staying up a bit longer. This earth is so gorgeous. Our Creator and our Father truly made wonders beyond wonders!